Flying to India within four hours of notice to see Bina Mousi
I am somewhere between Mumbai and Istanbul on Turkish Airline’
Star Trek is on full volume ( First contact, opens with
Captain Picard simulated into Borg). I find it is healthier to watch comfort
movie than eat comfort food, for me, that will be sweets and carbs.
In the groundless, ever changing and unpredictable life,
only thing that is constant is the change and unpredictability. But, in last
five days, I have also learned that the only human response to that is
unconditional love and quiet reassuring presence in the loved ones lives.
Knowing that no matter what life brings we are hugged and we are supported is the key to peaceful life.
Last Saturday, we had a booth for our non profit SUKHAM (
PALLIUM) where we are attempting to help increase awareness for healthy aging
and dying, I received the unexpected call from my brother Kukki ( NO doubt
sobbing on the other end) he told me that Bina (our sister) has Cancer that is
spread to, spine, bones, lungs and breast. There was no warning. None. Just a
back pain and a MRI. My shock was instantly reduced by the love and
hug by Jerina and Mukund.
It has been a roller coaster journey in last five days.
Technology: Medical and internet has helped with the consultations,
connections, guidance and plan but what has been most helpful for me and family
involved is the non stop love and support .
Theresa, Anupam, Shalini, Matt, Smita, Pam, Fern, Xiaoyun, Anke, Jyoti,
Renu, Emre, doctors at Stanford, Arun from UK and so many of you who have been
a quiet supportive presence and will carry us through this
I am not sure if and when and in what condition I will see
my sister. In five days, she has gone from a healthy loving person to a
comatose patient in an ICU in Mumbai. In my moments of grief and agony, I am
constantly reminding myself of the love
I got from family and friends who dropped everything to make sure I get on the
earliest flight. Bomi booked, rebooked and rerebooked the tickets ten times in two days ( every
time Bina’s condition changed) . Theresa got me ready at a moments notice and
encouraged Anupam (leaving an eight week old infant) to go and be with Bina and
family. Shalini dropping everything to be with me and family in India. Emre,
Xiaoyun and Theresa’s mom to step in fill the gaps, Sushma and Gayatri and all
of the Sukham group ready to help with whatever is needed.
I do not remember any moment of my life when Bina was not there.
She has been a stable, quiet and reassuring presence for last 70 years. Growing
up, we ran around, we played on the streets, we climbed the trees, ran in wild
in parks and wilderness. She was always there, she was with us, perhaps the voice of wisdom and the quiet guidance so we do not get into serious
trouble.
In college and in school, we always looked up to her. We
played with her friends, we followed them around and without realizing we all
grew up. She became the best eye surgeon there was and yet she was always the
quiet beautiful sister and a daughter first. She was there for me when I got
married against my parents wishes, she was the last person I saw before I
boarded the plane to come to this unknown land. I always knew she would be
there for me.
We raised our families. She raised two smart, loving sons.
There was no Internet then and we did not talk much or visited much. But, when I was pregnant and I needed help, she
left her little boys with my mom to help me. She came and took over my home, our
hearts and my kids for six months. She was Smita’s ( three year old) best buddy
and Anupam was her little “Pilloo” She made special food for Smita, special
pillows for Anupam and took over all the cooking. It is then, she became a
mother from being a sister…a mother who is also a friend and a soul mate, I can
share anything with her and she understands.
We live on two opposite parts of the world, busy in our
challenges, fulfilling our own destinies but she is there for me the instant I need something. As soon as she
heard I had cancer she dropped everything and came to take care of me. Once
again she took over hearts and the cancer became a big long party for six
months. I never knew caner could be so beautiful…I wish I can do the same for her, it brings tears to my eyes that it
may be too late to make her smile and make cancer fun… and just show her how
much she means to me and my kids.
With technology, we have been more in
touch. Any time there is medical problem, out first instinct is, “ ask Bina
Moiusi”. Her wisdom goes beyond the medicine and just her words, “ Do not worry just take some B12” or
use eye drops or I will come do not worry” are reassuring to make the
anxiety of potential illness go away
. I hope she sees us ( I will be there in few hours and
Anupam and Shalini in a day) and she
realizes how much she is loved and how much she has affected our lives and so many people’s lives. Shalini pointed out, “
Bina Mousi has more friends in USA than any of us do and she has not even lived
here for more than six months at a time.
Her love is quiet,
there is no ego, no fan fare …just a
loving quiet presences, a very calm voice and excellent food.
This is the human condition at its best. We crave security,
stability and permanence in the world where nothing is permanent, nothing is
for sure and secure. Only thing that brings the sense of peace and joy is the
knowledge that we will be there for each other, we will hold the space for each
other and we will fill in the blanks quietly without any fanfare.
What I have learned from this experience
(not over yet) is that the curse of
being human is to accept the groundlessness, the unpredictability and the
constant change. Fear of pain, death and
sickness is always there but we can use it to convert into love, trust and a
constant stable force for each other…. that’s the only way to be human and be
peaceful .
Time to prepare for landing. Love and gratitude beyond words
can express.
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