Cheers, honors and remembrance

Relay of life was held in Los Altos and they did have a lantern for Bina. I am so grateful for thoughtful friends and am reminded how small out planet has become and how interconnected we all are.  Thanks to Mira for remembering Bina. Bina continues to NOT complain and is very brave. I know, she must be hurting all the time and is nauseous most of the times. But, she is always smiling and always saying I am doing fine.

Cousins came to cheer Bina

I am completing this blog from Turkish airline, flying somewhere over Europe. A lot has happened in last one month, I wrote my first blog of the trip from the same airline under very different mindset. While goin to india, I knew that Bina had metastasized  cancer and she was in COMA, I was not sure if I will see her alive. SO many thoughts and memories were flooding my brain. Now I am going back knowing that she is recovering well and she is excited about starting her LIFE 2.0. It will not be easy but it will be fun and an adventure. I will be standing by , cheering her every step.
This has been very therapeutic for me as well as for rest of the family. There is a wise saying ( probably some Buddhist saying , since most of the wise things were said by Buddha who found them ( perhaps) in some ancient texts) that when things happen , we label them  without knowing if they are really good or bad. Bina was suffering for so many years that this was almost a blessing in disguise. She is getting stronger every day. She has more will to live than in last few years.

This was my first long trip outside USA  and  my first long trip to India after I moved away forty years ago. India has changed a lot now, specially for people who are educated and have money. There is not much difference in the daily living in India or in USA except for the fact there there is lot more interconnected society in India than in USA. Not only the families are interconnected, the neighbors as well as the maids, the drivers, the sabjiwala ( vegetable vendor) and many other little things. I find that very comforting. But, there is still pollution, poverty and poor hygiene in your face al the time. Life is harsh and the stark contrast is in your face all the time. There is lot of materialism in young people, everyone is looking for "foreign vacations, branded clothes and western foods"" at the same time ( it seemed to me) young people are rationalizing less and getting more into irrational fundamentalist thinking. Nothing very alarming so far but I felt that , when we were growing up, India had just gotten its freedom, there was lot of excitement, idealism, introspection and search for science and truth about religions. Now, young people do not discuss any such things, they drink a lot and discuss latest I-gadgets or exotic vacations or stock market.... and a feeling of wanting to do something for the nation and humanity or science is not there. But, India is 2 billion people , I may not have met people who care about such things.....( I am sure there is all sorts of ideology in India as in any other free country) .
On the personal note, I leave for my home in USA knowing I will miss my family in India. I will find a way to do something with Explorabox in India and use that reason to come more often and spend more time connecting. My cousins and siblings are getting old and the only way to pass on their life in little villages and towns in India is for me to make more trips and write about it. May be the grandkids will not care but if they did, it will be a shame if they did not even know where their parents came from and what they did...

I did want to write something about my dear friend Shalabh Sharma who passed away during this trip. He lived in Bhopal ( 150 km from Indore). I did manage to visit his wife and family Kumud for a day. Our common friend Manoher Dev and his wife were able to drive me there and back. It was a long, tiring day but was worthwhile for sure. Kumud is a world renounced phycologist but like most professional Indian women, her identity is first and most  a wife, a daughter in law, a mother and then in spare time a "world renounced phycologist" . This is the reality of progress in women's life in India. I know it is changing but it might take many generations ..

Anyways, I knew Shalabh in Engg College. He was two years senior to me and after failing many times, he finally passed two years after I graduated. So, he was my senior, than my class mate and he was my student when I finally helped him study and cleared the finals. He was also a student politician, the president of student body and many other things but not a "student".  I am sure there are people like that in USA too but in India this is a very common pattern. Parents pay for the college and the students want a degree ( without studying) so sometimes it takes lot longer..:) Shalabh and I had interesting relationship. In the society where girl/boy friendship is not looked upon as a norm ( at least in those days), I had many guy friends. Two reasons: There was only one other girl in my class and she lived far away. But, the main reason was that I helped them get the home work done, I let them copy my work, I tutored them if needed and in short they knew I was there for them. They could drop by the night before finals knowing I will explain whatever they needed to learn. In exchange, I felt very secure in the college and in the town. ( these were the usual trouble makers and teasers) they always had respect for who I was and almost protected me :)

SO, one of those days, Shalabh came very disturbed. I knew he was disturbed for several months but I did not bother to ask. He wanted me to read his palm ( I did palmistry as a hobby in those days..another long story)  Turned out he was in love with Kumud and she was about to get engaged to someone else and Shalabh did not have guts to tell her about his love. ( Because he knew Kumud had very bright professional future) . Long story short, I little confidence boost through palm reading, they had been married till this month. ( Afterwards  he had been there for me when I went though my romance. ) Over the years, I hated the way he treated Kumud, I hated his male chauvinist attitude, I hated the fact that he smoked all the time but he never failed to remember my birthday.  I always knew that he will do anything for me any time I ask and he will not ask why?  Now, he is not there any more.

I will like to end this post with few more pictures. This is more of a personal journey, if you read it , please take it for what it is, just a personal journey in the life of a woman born in India and has homes on two continents. I am extremely grateful for the miraculous recovery of Bina Mousi and hope we all will share her LIFE 2.0 for a long time.

Mural at Mumbai Airport

Jhasi Ki Rani ( Queen of Jhasi) She reinvented herself from being a queen to a fearless worrier to fight against British. She was the FIRST freedom fighter against British Empire. She is the role model for all Indian Women trying to reinvent their lives in Indian society.

Going away drink for Dadi Bua

Monsoon lightening as seen through the window with Ansh

Chemo # 6 , Monsoon Sunsets, Hand Painted scarf....

Chemo # 6 is done today: 

We know the routine now. Check in at 8am, wait for ever in the room because it takes many hours for the supervisor to approve the use of outside medication. Only after the approval and after Dr. Smruti's ok-doke....the Chemo suspension cannot mixed and made usable. Usually it was taking till 3 pm to get the chemo started. Imagine our surprise when the Chemo solution was ready around 1pm ;) Of course we were delighted. Dr. Is pleased with the progress but also very loveingly told Bina, " I know you are a very good doctor but let me treat you this time, do not interfere. " It means very rude when you read it but the way she said it and what she meant made perfect sense. My dad ( who was an excellent doctor) was the worst patient ever...

Hand painted water color scarf from Patricia Nojima

 Our sister Asha came from Delhi. It must have been at least ten years since we were all together. ( who knows when will be the next time). We hung around and talked and talked some more. Asha is two years older than me and is a retired civil engineer. We went to same schools, same college and had common friends and did everything together. She was always the quiet one and I was the trouble maker and the noisy one. Even now, she is very soft spoken, never travels alone and lives a very quiet and happy life with her husband who is equally calm and quiet. I wish I had more time with her but will try ot come back soon....

Celebrating Annika'sbirthday Santosh, Ansh and my siblings. 

 A surprise visit by our cousin,( my mother's brother's daughter)  Santosh, was a delight. Santosh is 87, she is few years younger than my mom ( would have been), they grew up together. She has delightful stories about our mom's childhood. She and her eight siblings grew up with our mom ( who was much younger than her brother ).  Santosh is the most gentle and loving person I have known and yet she has most tragedies in her life.
Like little kids, we snuggled together and shared stories of love, laughter and gratitude.

Santosh ann Bina sharing memories

I wil  say good night with the pictures of these beautiful Monsoon Sunsets...

Rhea's finals, school maze and life.....

Rhea's eleventh grade exams are done, so celebration was in order. We had delicious Indian Pizza.  Every cuisine in India is Indianized, just like every thing else is. ( language, clothing and even Chinese martial art ). Coming ot think of it: it is the secret of Indian civilization lasting the longest continuous time in known history. All the cultures and religions that came here crossing the Himalayas got Indianized and got adopted to various degrees by the prevailing local culture and religion of that time.  

Anyways, outing was a success and food was excellent as you can see:

                                                                                           

 Bina has lost over 20
pounds but is looking and feeling great.

A drive through the town to see a famous astrologer, brought us these delightful vegetable vendors. There is a farmer's strike and all the vegetables are ten times more expensive but they are plentiful. Looking at these middle class neighborhoods ( at least in Mumbai) seems like there is plenty of fresh food to eat for everyone.

With Rhea's tension about exams and the tuitions  that go on, I tried to  understand the system here. When I was in high school, there was one state boards that everyone had to pass to be able to get in any college. The states required general level of education in sciences, languages, social studies and arts ( like anywhere in the world). In addition to this there were few entrance exams for specific very competitive colleges like IIT's etc. Hardy anyone required private tutors and if they did it was looked down as " not being smart enough to learn in school", or waste of play time ( as it meant give up playing for extra academic help).. Things are different now ( i am told by my relatives) there are at least four options for high school board exams.

CBSE, ICSE, IB, State board - What you must know about school .  

It is an alphabet soup and depending on how much money you are willing to spend, you pick one of these. Parents swear by one or the other system. I personally never knew that there are so many variations in teaching E=MC2 ...or any language grammar :)  IN addition to this, most of the parents ( that I know) have private tutors to deal with home work and learn basic science.  May be the world has become lot more competitive, or the kids have too many distractions or too much disposable income and time on parents hands or a combination of all of the above, but it seems like a mess to me.

On the other note, Monsoon is almost here. I got the preview here and there. I will love to see a good shower before i leave

                                                                                      

Mini-outing #5, Sister solidarity, old friends and maze of Indian school boards

Mini outing # 5

Life 2.05 is going on strong for Bina. I am going to change it to Life 2.05 to keep the count of how many Chemos are done as well as to reflect on, and be thankful for the new life every Chemo session offers.  This mini-outing #5 was to a local spa, where Bina, her maid and myself got dropped of by Ritu.

Bina waited patiently and watched me getting all groomed :) It was fun to chat with her and watch her face as my hair was getting all chopped up. She sat there for two hours and enjoyed talking to people around.

It is a matter of perspective as to how fancy and how expensive things are. The spa was clean, air conditioned and staff was professional and friendly. They offered drinks, food and nice place to relax. It cost me grand total of $30 to get a very stylish hair cut, shampoo, a nice feet massage and pedicure. I thought it was  a great deal, Ritu thinks , it is nice and luxurious but nothing like the places bollywood stars go to and Bina thought it was crazy expensive....as I said, it is all perspective.

300 year old well

Old tree by the well

In fact , i am learning a lot about perspective these days. Every minute and every step reminds me about how fortunate I am and it is not because i did something right ( that may have a very little contribution)  but it is mostly because I happen to be born in the family I did. I wonder if there is something inherent that one is born with and one becomes who she/he is regardless of the circumstances or is it the environment that mostly shapes us. Perhaps it is both. I took the morning walk little further away from the beach and ran into wonderful treasures in narrow streets that had no name and after I was totally lost, I navigated by asking how to get back to the beach ( i know my way home from the ocean) .This narrow street led me to the wonderful little temple with an ancient water well. The well is designed on the 5000 year old pattern of Harrapa/Mohanjodroo civilization. Entrance was locked but I spotted an old couple and asked them about it. Turned out it belonged to them. They were in their 80's and 90's and told me the history. It is 300 years old, almost in ruins. ( this is all surrounded by tall high rises).

Milk man delivers milk every morning

Garlands for the Gods

Little street has flower garlands for the Gods. Several  temples and a very nice looking  St. Joseph's church

                                                                                 

Outings to the park, Kukki's home and Ganesh

Two days of non stop partying is a good thing i suppose. Pre monsoon rains are already here and the weather is getting cooler. Bina is getting more and more adventurous every day ( or she is letting me push her out of her comfort zone). We took her out to the park and showed her all sorts of people of all ages exercising, socializing and just living. She is getting inspired to restart her life.

Bina also ventured out to Kukki's home in the morning and stayed for four hours. She eats little and has low energy but otherwise she is in great spirits. There is a respite before next Chemo and we are trying to take advantage of it in doing fun activities.


Ritu and Bina in Kukki's home. It was a good visit, they got to meet the kids and we had a nice lunch from outside. ( called in to get delivered)

This doctor ( some famous doctor with Bollywood patients) lives in Ritu's building and has a collection of Ganeshs from all over. ( He himself looks like one and was very pleased to get his picture taken:). This is just a very small sample of what he has all given by his clients. I wonder how he gets them cleaned?


                                     

Evening beach walk never disappoints. I saw this fruitwala ( Every vendor in Hinglish is a "wala" meaning carrier of ...) .  All these fruits: Jamun, Raw Mango slices, Star Fruits, Dates, are my favorite childhood fruits. We used to take them off the trees and savor them where ever and whenever we could. The word, "steal" never entered our minds.  I think it was because these trees were all over the town and were not necessarily anyone's property. If they did belong to someone, there was s so much fruit that the farmer was happy to get rid of some of it. 

Looking at people savoring the fruits and the Pani poori, Chat etc off the chatwala's cart and eating pani puri made out of that ( dirty) water, I am realizing the prize we pay for being " privileged" or coming back to India so infrequently.

People of all ages, religions and cultures were enjoying the food, the ocean and the company

 There was a huge gathering and speeches going on near that shops and it turned out to be the , " Animal rights movement". I tried to listen to their speeches and decided  not ot think too seriously about not eating meat. I am very conflicted about the whole thing. I can feel the pain and empathize  with the animals but not eating them at all involves major commitment and a life style change.I may almost be ready ot do that, may be start with just eating fish and chicken and only organic ones.

On The other note, Lumber puncture for my nephew was done yesterday and the results are negative. We are still waiting for more results but everyone is worried about having to open the brain for getting the tissue sample. According to neurosurgeon it is a routine procedure, nonetheless it is a major surgery. In science there is a phenomenon of clustering and there is some theory that things happen in clusters, in life philosophy, Buddism as well as just plain random life events: things happen that are beyond our control, we can only do our share of Karma and leave the results to the unknown. I know it will all work out for the better but going through it is painful and we are collectively trying to be calm.  One part of Hindu religion teaches just that : Do your Karma and leave the results to the universe. But, more astrologically inclined Hindus believe that if the Saturn is in wrong place, it takes seven and a half years of suffering to get over that phase...and my nephew is going through it. There are many people ( including the prime ministers...that does not say much :) who swear by the influence of the planets on our lives.....some of my family is one of them and i have to admit I spent many years studying astrology and palmistry ( I will write about that some day and share my thoughts)  

What ever it is , i know we will collectively deal with it and all will be well.....
  

Outing # 2 Starbucks and Bollywood....

Starbucks

Ritu at Starbucks

Bina continues to get better and stronger. But, I think, the chemicals in the Chemo drug are accumulating in her body and she is beginning to get ot a point where she cannot tolerates the nausea and discomfort without complaining. Today , for the first time, she told me that she does not feel good and constantly has nausea. Fortunately, she has not thrown up yet but the Chemo is taking it's toll. She is developing some blisters in her mouth and was complaining about nothing tastes good. We try to distract her by little outings. Today, we drove around a little and then went to nearby Starbucks. 

Mumbai being the home of Bollywood, there was some shooting going on ( turned out, it was for a local news station) You can see the model in the background in the picture below.

Art on the wall

Towing service

 Driving around the neighborhood, we saw Picasso and other famous artists on the walls ( instead of graffiti) and a cleaver way of "towing service".  They put a lock on illegally parked cars and the owners have to pay appropriate ticket before they unlock it :)

Havan for Shiva

On the other note, my nephew is going through some health issues and it is making the environment very stressful. The investigations are going on and we are back to the hospitals and MRI's and so on. We are hoping that the results and treatments will be decided soon ( in next few days). In the mean time, they have arranged the pooja and havan for Shiva for last four days.  This involved chanting in sanskrit and basically asking Shiva to bless the family and remove the bad vibrations. I am not a religious person ( probably as atheist as they get) but i also know that doing something like this fills the house with wonderful smells and sounds and diverts the mind from dwelling on negative thoughts. The fire probably was used to sanitize the little homes in ancient times and the act of gathering things for pooja and then chanting keeps mind and body busy. Positive energy and vibrations help in coping with what is and accepting it...May be having faith on something, makes the unknowable and ever changing universe little more friendly place. Sanskrit chants are very soothing ..